It's been a long time!!

I realized today that it's been a long time (going on 2 years!) since I posted anything. I can tell you that the last two years have been the busiest of my life. My daughter is just over 2 years old. Taking care of a baby/toddler is a lot of work. In those two years, I didn't do a lot of writing. I have recently just started getting back into writing. I started a daily handwritten journal where I work on different things. I haven't written any fanfic for a long time. I have some ideas, so you might see something hopefully in the near future. I want to get back into posting things. I really enjoyed the feedback and community.

Say What You Need To Say

Title: Say What You Need to Say ( aka Sparkly Unicorn)
Word Count: 827
Spoilers: for the episode “Shooting Star”
Warnings/Triggers: school violence…nothing graphic
Rating: G
Summary:  Blaine is Sam’s best friend.
Author’s Notes:  Set during “Shooting Star”, however, there are some differences.  Brittany is in the choir room. Blaine is in the bathroom without his phone. Tina still isn’t there. This  is my first Blam fic I hope you all enjoy it. I just recently found this community and have enjoyed reading others’ fic, so I decided to give it a try.

            “I have to go.” Sam declared rushing for the door.

            Grabbing him, Will and Shannon stopped him from reaching the door. Continuing to say he had to go, Sam got louder. Muffling the noise, Will covered his mouth with his hand.

            “Sam, you need to be quiet.” Shannon spoke softly.

            “Look at them, Sam. Look at them. You are putting all of them in danger.” Will told him gesturing toward his friends in the room.

Sobbing, Brittany was pressed against the wall with Artie.  As Sam calmed down, Will slid his hand from his mouth.

“I have to go. Blaine’s in the bathroom. He’s all alone. He doesn’t have his phone.” Sam stated making a break for the door again. Shannon and Will stopped him.

“I know, Sam. I know, but it’s too dangerous for you out there.” Will replied.

“He’s my best friend.” Sam responded softly.

“You go sit down with Brittany and Artie.” Will instructed. “I’ll go find Blaine.”

Sam did as he was told. Immediately, Brittany grabbed his hand, crying into his shoulder.

“Will, don’t do this. You said it yourself. It’s too dangerous out there. Blaine’s smart. I’m sure he’s fine. He might be outside already.” Shannon pleaded with Will as he headed for the door.

“I have to go look. Blaine’s a part of this family. It’s better that it’s me. You stay here and keep them safe, Shannon.” Will explained kissing her cheek and slipping out the door.

“He has to be okay. He just has to be. It can’t end like this. I never told him…” Sam mumbled to himself.

“Sam.” Brittany whispered. He looked down at her, but barely saw her through the tears in his eyes.

“Britt, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…He’s just my…” Sam uttered.

“It’s okay. I understand. Blaine Warbler’s your sparkly unicorn just like Santana’s mine.” Brittany responded with a slight smile.

Sam wasn’t sure what to say to that. Blaine was his sparkly unicorn and he was pretty sure that Brittany had just broken up with him.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Shannon carefully opened the door to Will and Blaine. Rushing into the room, Will and Blaine shut the door behind them gently.  Standing up, Sam pulled Blaine into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Sam whispered squeezing Blaine.

“I’m glad you’re okay too.” Blaine countered returning the embrace.

Finally, they were given the all clear.

Gathering everyone into a group hug, Will told them, “I love you guys so much. You were awesome.”

After that, Sam wanted to talk to Blaine, but it was chaotic. Blaine called his mom to let her know that he was okay. Sam called his parents as well. Blaine and Tina were finally reunited. They were both glad to see one another.

Walking onto the stage hand in hand, Tina and Blaine saw Sam. Sam was playing his guitar as Blaine sang. They shared a look. Sam wasn’t sure but he thought Blaine felt it too. Something had changed between them and they definitely needed to talk.

As the rest of the Glee club members joined them and sang about saying all the things you needed to, Sam and Blaine kept looking at one another. No one else seemed to notice, except Brittany who gave Sam a knowing smile.

“Blaine, wait up, can we talk for a minute?” Sam called out as everyone was leaving the stage.

“Sure…What’s on your mind, Sam?” Blaine asked, his signature smile spreading across his face.

“I just wanted to talk to you about earlier…” Sam began to say.

“I heard. You wanted to come find me.” Blaine stated.

“Of course, I did. You didn’t have your phone and you were all alone. You’re my best friend.” Sam explained looking down at his feet.

Blaine’s smile got even bigger. “You’re my best friend, too.”

“No…I mean that’s not what I wanted to say.” Sam spoke still not looking at Blaine.

“I’m not your best friend?” Blaine asked his smile faltering.

“No!” Sam exclaimed finally looking up. “You are my best friend. It’s just you’re more than that. Brittany said that you’re my sparkly unicorn.”

“Sparkly unicorn? What does that even mean?” Blaine inquired confusedly.

Sam didn’t even know how to explain. Taking a few steps closer, Sam leaned in and pressed his lips to Blaine’s lips. Blaine was shocked, but he closed his eyes and savored the feeling of Sam’s lips. After a few moments, Sam broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Blaine’s forehead. Taking a few calming breaths, Blaine finally opened his eyes.

“What’s going on, Sam?” Blaine questioned quietly.

“I think I’m in love with you.” Sam responded just as quietly.

“What about Brittany?” Blaine inquired. He didn’t want to ask, but he had to know.

“We broke up. Santana’s her sparkly unicorn.” Sam enlightened straightening up and cupping Blaine’s face.

“Okay.” Blaine breathed as Sam brought their lips together again.

sad adam


Title: Underneath
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Rating: R-NC17
Warnings: past physical/sexual/emotional abuse, past self-harm, m/m sex
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys. This story is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: AU—Adam has a dark past that he is afraid to let Tommy see.
Author’s Notes: This story was inspired by Underneath by Adam Lambert. It is my favorite song on his Trespassing album.

Slipping out of bed, Tommy padded over to the bathroom softly. Turning the knob, he found it locked.

“Adam, open up,” Tommy called knocking quietly on the door.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Adam froze. He panicked for a moment wondering if he had remembered to lock the door. Exhaling in relief, Adam heard the door jostle and Tommy call his name again.

“Just a minute,” Adam responded grabbing his shirt and pulling it on.

Adam dressed quickly without even bothering to dry himself. When he opened the door, Tommy was leaning against the wall. He looked a little upset. Adam gave him a weak smile.

“Sorry,” Adam muttered as Tommy entered the bathroom and shut the door.

Frowning, Adam sat down on the bed to wait for Tommy to come back out. He had known Tommy for a few years, but they had only recently started dating. Lost in his memories, Adam startled when Tommy opened the bathroom door. Grabbing his jeans and pulling them on, Tommy didn’t say a word to Adam.

“You’re mad at me,” Adam stated morosely.

Sighing, Tommy abandoned the search for his t-shirt. He sat down beside Adam placing a hand on his knee.

“I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated. We’ve known each other for years. We’ve been dating for weeks. I love you and you don’t trust me,” Tommy explained.

“I do trust you, Tommy and I love you,” Adam replied vehemently grabbing Tommy’s hand and squeezing.

“Not enough to tell me what happened to you…not enough to let me see you without your clothes on…not enough to have sex with me,” Tommy stated.

“I thought you understood. You said you could be patient,” Adam said tears forming in his eyes.

“I am really trying to be…and I hate myself for not being more patient with you. I just think it would be easier if I knew what happened to you. What made you so scared and ashamed?”

“I want to tell you, Tommy. I’m just afraid that after I do, you will look at me different…you won’t want to be with me anymore. You won’t love me when you find out how damaged I really am.”

“I don’t know what to say to make you believe that that isn’t true,” Standing up, Tommy grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. “I have to get to work.”

Tommy leaned down kissing Adam on the forehead. It was one of the only places that Adam allowed him to kiss. Saying nothing, Adam sat on the bed near tears as Tommy grabbed the rest of his things and headed out the door.

Adam spent the rest of the day worrying that he was ruining everything with Tommy. He loved and trusted Tommy more than just about anyone in his life. Deep down, he didn’t think that his past would scare Tommy away. However, he couldn’t get over the fear of telling him everything…showing him what was underneath his clothes.

By the time he knew Tommy would be off work, Adam was a nervous wreck. He texted Tommy.

Will you come over, please?

Tired…gonna go home and crash

I want to tell you

You’ve said that before

I mean it this time. Come over before I chicken out

Okay…be there in 20

Pacing around his apartment, Adam bit his lip, hoping he was doing the right thing and Tommy wouldn’t turn away from him.

Tommy had barely knocked on the door when Adam flung it open, smiling weakly. Saying nothing, Tommy moved past Adam into the apartment, sitting down on the couch. Shutting the door, Adam took a deep breath and joined him.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Adam declared nervously.

“At the beginning…Just start at the beginning, Adam,” Tommy responded touching his hand to help calm his nerves.

“Well, the first thing you need to know is that Leila and Eber Lambert aren’t my real parents. I went to live with them when I was almost sixteen and they adopted me about a year later.”

“I had no idea. I always thought you looked like your mom.”

“Everyone says that.”

“What happened? Why did you go live with them?”

“That’s a longer story.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Well, for as long as I can remember I felt different. I didn’t know I was gay until I was about 11 or 12. I started to realize that I didn’t like the girls. Anyway, my birth parents were really religious. We went to church and I had listened to a lot of sermons on homosexuality and how it was a sin and you would go to Hell. I felt alone because I couldn’t tell anyone who I really was. Anyway, one day, this boy from school came to my house to work on a project together. He was really nice and we liked the same things. We kissed and my father caught us. He was so angry. He locked me in my room while he took the boy home and told his parents. I never saw him again. When he came home, he beat me with a belt while my mother just stood there and cried. She never did anything to stop him. For about a year, my father beat me almost daily. He thought that he could beat the gay out of me I guess.”

“God, Adam, I’m so sorry.”

“That’s not even the worst part,” Adam replied tears streaming down his face silently.

“We can stop for now if you want,” Tommy assured him moving closer and wrapping his arms around him.

“No. I have to say it all now. I need you to hear everything.”

“Okay, baby…whenever you’re ready.”

“The beatings from my father didn’t work. I tried to act like they did, but he could see that they weren’t. Anyway, when I was fourteen they sent me away. They had heard about an institution with a doctor who claimed he could cure homosexuality. I didn’t think it would work, but I was relieved to be away from my father. I had no idea that I was going to an even worse Hell. My first night there an older boy forced me to give him a blow job. I reported it and I was punished. I was put in solitary confinement for two days. Nothing happened to the other boy. When I got out of confinement, the older boy continued to make me do things. I hated it, but I never told on him again. After I had been there for about two weeks, I was told that Dr. Paterson was going to oversee my case personally. He was the head of the institution. During our first session, he made me strip naked and touch myself. My sessions with him only got worse as they continued. He would make me do things to him. After a few weeks, he started raping me. I…um…I,” Adam stuttered.

“Let’s take a break. I’m gonna get you something to drink,” Squeezing him, Tommy kissed his cheek before he got up.

Returning from the kitchen, he handed Adam a glass of water. Shaking as he reached for it, Tommy helped steady the glass as he took a few sips.

“Thanks,” Adam said weakly.

“Adam, I don’t even know what to say right now. The things you went through were so terrible. I can’t even imagine what it was like for you. But I want you to know that none of this changes how I feel about you. I love you,” Tommy declared cupping Adam’s face in his hands. Leaning in, he gently kissed Adam’s cheek.

“I love you too,” Adam replied resting their foreheads together.

“I understand why you have intimacy issues…trust issues…But I want you to know that I would never hurt you like that. I would never force you to do something you didn’t want to do.”

“I know. It’s just really hard to talk about all this stuff.”

“I know, baby, but you are so brave. I love you so much.”

“I need to finish…to tell you everything. I was at the institution for over six months before someone finally reported what was going on there to the authorities. Dr. Paterson was raping a lot of the other patients male and female. Some of the other staff members were abusing patients as well…not to mention what patients were doing with each other. They wanted to send me home to my parents, but I told them about how my father had beaten me, so they put me in foster care. I was in a group home for a while, before Leila and Eber took me home. I was really messed up. I have no idea why they kept me…why they adopted me. I wouldn’t have if I were them. I was angry and scared. I yelled at them for no reason. I wouldn’t listen to anything they told me to do. I started drinking and tried drugs a few times. I hated myself so I started cutting myself. I always did it on my thighs or stomach so it was easy to hide. Finally, they got me into counseling that worked. I stopped hurting myself…stopped drinking and doing drugs. I still see a therapist about once a month. I am a lot better, but it’s still really hard and painful.”

“Do you have scars? Is that why you won’t let me see you without clothes on?”

“Yes,” Adam whispered. “I have scars on my back from the beatings my father gave me and ones on my thighs and stomach from my self-inflicted cuts.”

“Will you let me see them?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

“You’re beautiful, Adam. Some scars aren’t going to change that. Let’s start with just your shirt.”

“Okay,” Adam consented.

Looking in Adam’s eyes, he pulled his shirt up and over his head. Gazing down, he saw about half a dozen small scars on his abdomen. Reaching out, he gently traced over them. Adam shuddered.

“Turn around. Let me see the ones on your back,” Tommy softly commanded.

Three larger scars crisscrossed on his back. Shaking with sobs, Adam closed his eyes. He wanted to hide. Reaching out, Tommy touched his back. Flinching away, Adam wrapped his arms around himself.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” Tommy reassured reaching out to touch again. Adam didn’t flinch away this time.

Leaning in, Tommy dropped kisses all along the scars. Adam groaned becoming aroused. This was the most intimate he and Tommy had ever been. Tommy moved his kisses up to Adam’s neck wrapping his arms around him.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Adam moaned as Tommy’s fingers brushing over his nipples.

Adam turned in Tommy’s arms, fusing their lips together. After a few minutes, Tommy backed off.

“I’m sorry. We can slow down,” Tommy stated breathlessly.

“I don’t want to,” Adam replied.

“Are you sure? After everything you just told me, I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

.“I am ready. I love you so much and I trust you completely. I know you won’t hurt me. I want to start replacing all those horrible memories with good ones.”

“We’ll take things slow. If you want me to stop, you tell me. If you don’t like something, you tell me.”

“I will.” Adam promised.

Gently, Tommy kissed Adam’s lips again running his hands along Adam’s sides. Resting them on his hips, he pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. Slowly, he moved his right hand down until it was covering Adam’s erection through his clothing, carefully massaging. Using his hands, Adam undid the button on his jeans. Tommy moved his hand out of the way, so Adam could pull down the zipper. Pushing the material aside, Tommy lightly touched Adam through his boxers.

“Do you want me to use my mouth?” Tommy asked panting as he broke the kiss.

“Yes.” Adam hissed as Tommy squeezed a little.

Smirking, Tommy kissed down Adam’s body. Lying back on the couch, Adam moaned a little. Reaching his stomach, Tommy licked and kissed all the scars there. Moving down further, he kissed Adam through his underwear. With Tommy’s help, Adam shimmied out of the rest of his clothes. He looked at Adam’s thighs and saw dozens of scars covering them. With Adam writhing underneath him, Tommy kissed and licked all the scars.

“Please, Tommy, please,” Adam begged tangling his hand in Tommy’s hair.

Tommy obliged, licking up Adam’s cock and taking the head in his mouth. Little by little, he took more into his mouth. Adam was moaning and writhing, showing no signs of wanting him to stop. Finally, he had the whole thing in his mouth. Cursing, Adam tugged on his hair. Gradually, Tommy withdrew, starting all over again. For a long time, Tommy brought Adam to the edge, but didn’t let him go over.

Finally, Tommy released Adam with a little pop. Kissing his way up his body, he captured Adam’s lips.

“What do you want, baby?” Tommy asked.

“Take me to bed. Make love to me,” Adam told him breathlessly.

“God, Adam, are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Tommy kissed Adam again. Carefully, he stood up, reaching for Adam’s hand. Smiling, Adam took it following him to the bedroom.

As Tommy removed his own clothes, Adam lay down on the bed. When he was naked, Tommy crawled on the bed with Adam. Lying beside him, Tommy brought their lips together again, hands roaming Adam’s body. Taking Adam’s cock in his hand, he stroked a few times.

“I can’t…”Adam stuttered.

Immediately, Tommy released him moving away.

“I’m sorry. We’ll stop.”

“No. I don’t want to stop. I just wanted to tell you that I can’t be on my stomach. It was how…” Adam dropped off. He didn’t want to say it.

“That’s okay. I want to be able to look in your eyes anyway.” Tommy assured smiling.

Smiling back, Adam leaned up kissing Tommy.

“There’s lube in the nightstand drawer.”

“Is it okay if I use my mouth on you first?” Tommy asked.

“You really want to?”


Smiling, Adam nodded his head in consent. Before starting his journey down Adam’s body, Tommy kissed his lips. Reaching Adam’s erection, he licked and sucked it a few times before moving on. Spreading Adam’s legs apart, he gently pushed them back. Gripping his thighs, Adam held them up. Tommy drove Adam wild using his mouth and tongue.

With Adam panting and begging, Tommy retrieved the lube from the drawer. Quickly slicking up his fingers, he began to work one inside of him. Tensing, Adam gasped.

“Just relax, baby,” Tommy coaxed.

Taking a deep breath, Adam closed his eyes. Slowly, Tommy continued to work him open. Finally, Adam was pleading for more.

Carefully removing his fingers, Tommy asked, “Do you have any condoms?”

“I don’t want you to use one.”

“Are you sure?”

“You weren’t lying when you told me you were clean, were you?” Adam inquired. Shaking his head, Tommy indicated that he had been telling the truth. “I’m clean too and I want to feel you inside me…just you.”

“Alright,” Tommy agreed grabbing for the lube, slicking himself up.

Applying more lube then he would have in any other situation; Tommy didn’t want to hurt Adam. When Tommy’s cock was slicked up, he smeared some more around Adam’s hole. Carefully, he began to push in. Adam didn’t tense as he had with Tommy’s fingers. Sliding in further, Tommy felt Adam relax. Slowly, he continued to move until he was the whole way in.

“God, Tommy, kiss me.” Adam panted looking directly into Tommy’s eyes.

Leaning down, Tommy took Adam’s mouth in a passionate kiss. As they kissed, Tommy leisurely pushed in and out of Adam. After only a few thrusts, breathe hitching, Adam came between their bodies. Groaning, Tommy felt Adam tighten around him.

“I’m not gonna last much longer. Do you want me to…?” Tommy started to ask.

“Inside me…Cum inside me, please,” Adam responded.

Capturing Adam’s lips, Tommy thrust a few more times before releasing inside Adam.

“I love you…God, I love you so much,” Tommy gasped carefully removing himself from Adam and lying beside him.

“I love you too,” Adam replied snuggling up to him.

“Are you okay?” Tommy questioned a few minutes later when they had caught their breath.

“I’m really good,” Adam answered kissing Tommy’s chest. “I’m exhausted though.”

“Me too. Let’s get some sleep.”

Pulling Adam closer, Tommy nestled further into the bed. As they drifted off to sleep, they both had smiles on their faces.


I know that it has been a long time since I posted anything.  I haven't given up on the fandom.  I have just been really busy in my real life.  I recently found out that I am pregnant with my first child.  My husband and I are really excited, but there's been lots of appointments and getting the house organized for the new addition to the family.  We have also had to take in our 7 year old cousin and 2 year old cousin until their mom can get back on her feet.  We were happy to do it.  However, all of this, has left little time for my writing.  I hope that I will be able to get back to it once we get into some kind of routine at home. 


We are starting to get into a routing at home.  We still have our cousins and have no idea for how much longer. Things are progressing nicely with the pregnancy.  I am about 15 weeks along.  We've heard the heartbeat.  I didn't have any morning sickness, so I was pretty excited about that.
  • Current Music
    Carrie Underwood

All Because Two Penguins Fell in Love

Title: All Because Two Penguins Fell in Love
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Betas: outlawsoflovexo astiga0802, and csi13
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys or any other real life people in this story. This story is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Two penguins inspire Kris to be honest.
Author’s Notes: Written for a prompt that I received from whatthefuckbenj. I hope you all enjoy the story. Thanks for reading. Feedback is always welcome.

“They can’t just do that!” Kris exclaimed as soon as Adam answered his phone.

“Who can’t do what now?” Adam asked, laughing.

Kris was riled up about something. However, Adam had no idea what he was talking about. Adam thought it was cute when Kris was like this about something.

“The penguins,” Kris said as if that explained everything.

“What penguins?” Adam was even more confused and a little worried. “Kris, are you high or something?”

“The gay penguins at the zoo,” Kris responded exasperatedly. He didn’t understand why Adam was being so dense. He surely had to have heard about the gay penguins.

“Gay penguins?! Kris, honey, you lost me,” Adam said, chuckling. He was still a little worried about Kris’ sanity at the moment.

“Don’t you ever watch the news or read a paper?” Kris asked, accusingly.

“Of course, I do, but I haven’t heard anything about any gay penguins,” Adam said.

“Well, there are two male penguins at a zoo in Toronto, and apparently they’ve bonded with each other. They don’t want anything to do with the female penguins. The zookeepers or whoever don’t think that it’s right so they want to separate the male penguins. They want to put them with female penguins…as if the male penguins will suddenly forget each other and want the female penguins! I mean, maybe they will, I don’t know much about penguins, but it doesn’t seem right to me,” Kris spoke passionately.

A laugh burst from Adam, and he tried his best to stop it. He didn’t want to upset Kris who was obviously very concerned about the penguins. However, Adam just couldn’t hold it in.

“Adam, it’s not funny. This is serious. They might only be penguins, but they have a right to be together if that’s what they want,” Kris said indignantly.

“Sweetie, this isn’t really about penguins is it? This is about us,” Adam said suddenly understanding.

“No!” Kris answered quickly. He heard Adam’s sigh. Adam knew him well enough to know when he was lying. “Okay…maybe it’s a little about us. We should be able to be together. We should be able to tell the world that we’re in love. God, Adam, I just love you so much and I don’t want to hide it.”

Kris took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He sat on his couch, hanging his head. He let out a sigh, defeated as a prickle of tears formed in the corners of his eyes. They were like those penguins. Right now, Kris was in his apartment in L.A. and Adam was in his house. They were only a few miles from one another, but it might as well have been thousands of miles.

“I love you too,” Adam said smiling. He never got tired of telling Kris that or hearing Kris say it.

“Then what the hell are we doing?” Kris asked sadly. He wanted to be angry, but he had no fight left in him. “My divorce has been final for six months. I am tired of pretending that I am straight. I am tired of hiding who I really am and that I am in love with you.”

“Kris…” Adam breathed. In another situation, like when they were rolling around together in bed, Adam saying his name like that would have sent a shiver down his spine. Now, it just upset him. He knew that Adam was about to try and talk him out of coming out.

“It’s not going to work this time, Adam. I can’t do this anymore. The longer I wait the worse it will be. I have to do this. People will either be accepting or they won’t. I don’t care about that anymore,” Kris said determined.

Adam didn’t get the chance to say anything else as Kris disconnected the call. Adam attempted to call him back, so they could discuss what they were going to do, but Kris didn’t answer. Adam texted him.

What are you going to do? Call me. We should talk about this.

Kris didn’t reply. Adam paced around the house, biting at his nails. Adam wanted to tell the world about him and Kris too, but he wanted to do it in smart way that would cause the minimal amount of backlash. Kris was upset and not thinking clearly. There was no telling what he would do.

Adam picked up his phone, dialing a familiar number. He needed to talk to the only other person who knew Kris as well as he did, maybe even better than he did.

“Adam,” Katy spoke cheerfully answering the phone. “How are you? I haven’t talked to you in ages.”

“I’m afraid that Kris is about to do something amazingly stupid,” Adam answered, no time for small talk.

“How stupid?” Katy asked, the pep fading from her voice and the color leaving her cheeks.

“Tell the whole world that he’s gay and that we’re together,” Adam said chewing at his fingernail again.

“That’s not stupid. That’s the truth,” Katy said rationally.

Leave it to Katy to be rational and sane about this, Adam thought as he continued gnawing on his fingernail.

“But he’s upset about some penguins and he’s not thinking clearly. Obviously, I want to tell people too. I just want to do it in the right way. I don’t want this to hurt anyone,” Adam said, nervously. By anyone, he meant Kris. He knew how hard it was to come out. He knew that it was possible that people Kris had known his entire life would look at him differently, and treat him like he had a disease.

“Adam, you worry too much. The people that really matter to you and Kris already know and love you both and the others are either going to accept it or not. There’s nothing you can do to change that. I know that you are worried about Kris getting bashed or hated on for being gay. I am sure that it will happen in one way or another, but I am also sure that Kris is a big boy who can handle it and that he’ll have all of us to support him,” Katy said soothingly.

“You sound just like him,” Adam stated dejectedly. He had hoped Katy would help him get through to Kris, but now he saw that she wasn’t going to be any help at all.

“He’s right, Adam. All of this hiding and pretending isn’t good for either of you,” Katy said.

“I know, but what is he going to do?” Adam asked.

“I have no idea, but you know Kris. Yeah, he’s upset right now, but he’s a smart, level-headed guy. He’s not going to do anything outrageous,” Katy said, hoping she sounded confident to Adam because deep down she was concerned about what Kris might do as well.

Pacing, Adam tried to contact Kris again after talking to Katy. He still got no response. Chewing on his nails, Adam tasted the bitterness of blood. Without even looking at his finger, he just moved on to the next one. Sitting down in his favorite chair, he rocked back and forth and stared at the wall waiting for the other shoe to drop.

A noise alerting him to a new e-mail on his laptop startled Adam from his trance. Time had passed because it was darker around him, but it could have been minutes or hours. Adam had no concept of time. Heart beating fast and pulse drumming in his ears, Adam clicked to open the message from Kris. No words just a link. Closing his eyes, Adam opened the link. He squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, hyperventilating. He wanted to know what the link had opened, but he was terrified. Taking a deep breathe, Adam finally opened his eyes.

To Whom It May Concern (It will probably concern a lot of you even though it really shouldn’t concern any of you):

I, Kris Allen, am gay and I am in love with Adam Lambert.

That’s all you really need to know, but I am going to explain a few things. I want you to hear the truth from me.

Adam did not break up my marriage. Katy and I were over long before I even met Adam. To be more accurate, Katy and I never really started. Yes, we were married, but she always knew that I was gay. I always knew that I was gay. It was just easier to pretend that I was straight. It was easier to get married. Katy was, and is, my best friend. She knew before I did that I was in love with Adam. She has been supportive of us since day one.

I am sorry that I misrepresented myself to the public and to my fans. I never thought it would be an issue. At the time, I fully intended to live my life as a straight, married man. I never expected to fall in love with anyone, especially Adam. When I met him, I felt like he was way out of my league. He was so open and honest about himself and I was living a lie. I am not sure what I did to deserve him, but I am thankful for him everyday.

I started today just like I start every day. Gay, in love, and hiding it, but then I heard about these two penguins in a Toronto zoo who are gay. They are going to be separated by their zookeepers. Adam and I are like those two penguins, being separated by lies, close-mindedness, and our own fears. I am done being afraid. It’s time to be brave and admit that I am happy and so in love that it’s kind of ridiculous.

I know that this declaration will upset some people and that I will lose fans. I just hope that the majority of people reading this can be happy for me and Adam.

With Love,

Kris Allen

Just over an hour ago, Kris had posted the letter to his Facebook page. As he finished reading it, Adam heard a key turning in the lock of the front door. He knew it would be Kris. As Kris entered the living room, Adam stood up and met him half way. Tears in their eyes, they stared at one another. Sighing in relief and smiling, Adam pulled Kris into a hug. Chuckling, Kris wrapped his arms around Adam as well. Neither of them knew what was going to happen now, but whatever came their way, they would face it together.

Looking for a Beta

Recently, I had my first experience using a beta to go over my stories.  It was a very helpful experience. Now I am looking for someone to beta for me on a regular basis.  I have written Adam/Kris, Adam/Tommy, Adam/Lance Bass, Adam/Blake Lewis, and Adam/OMC fics in the past.  Typically, my pairing is Adam/Tommy.  I write G to NC 17 rated stories.  My stories are usually just a few pages long.  Sometimes I write chapter stories.  It just depends on how much inspiration I have.  If anyone is interested in being my beta or knows someone who might do it, please let me know.  Thanks.

Memories of a Beautiful Disaster Chapter 12

Title: Memories of a Beautiful Disaster Chapter 12
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Rafael Vega (OMC)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own Adam or any other real life people. This story is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Rafi fixes it.
Author’s Notes: I hope you like it. Thanks for reading. Feedback is always welcome.

“So you’re finally busting out of here.” Rafi declared from the doorway to Adam’s room.

Adam had his back to him as he was packing his bag. Adam’s mother, Leila, also had her back turned. When Adam heard Rafi’s voice, he turned around quickly. He was shocked. He hadn’t expected to see Rafi ever again. Rafi smiled at him. Adam continued to say nothing.

“I am just going to leave the two of you alone to talk.” Leila stated as she grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

Adam had filled her in on what had happened with Rafi. She knew that she should probably hate Rafi for breaking her son’s heart, but she had a feeling that he was about to fix it. As she walked past Rafi, she gently squeezed his arm and smiled at him. He smiled back.

“Can I come in?” Rafi asked when Leila was gone and Adam still hadn’t said or done anything.

“I guess.” Adam replied quietly.

Rafi entered the room and walked over to Adam. He could see he hurt in Adam’s eyes. He hated that he had made him feel that way.

“I’m sorry that I left without telling you.” Rafi apologized.

“It’s no big deal. You don’t owe me anything.” Adam told him as he began to pack his things again.

“Please, stop, Adam.” Rafi demanded softly as he placed his hand on Adam’s arm.

Adam stopped moving and stood perfectly still. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at Rafi.

“Look at me.” Rafi ordered calmly as he placed his hand on Adam’s cheek.

Adam looked at Rafi. Adam had tears in his eyes. Rafi sighed and stepped slightly closer to him. He wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just didn’t know what to do. I haven’t felt like this about someone in a long time. I was scared.” Rafi explained as he looked directly into Adam’s eyes.

“I’m scared too.” Adam whispered. Adam was scared of more than what was going on with Rafi. He was scared of what was going to happen to him now that he was out of rehab.

“I know, baby. We’ll get through it together.” Rafi declared as if he read Adam’s mind.

Adam and Rafi looked into one another’s eyes. Rafi slowly smiled and moved closer. In the next instant, their lips were locked. Adam couldn’t help but smile as they kissed. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel alone. All he felt was love from Rafi and for Rafi.

“Glad to see that the two of you worked it out.” Nadine stated happily as she entered the room.

Adam and Rafi broke the kiss, but Rafi stayed close to Adam. They both had huge smiles on their faces.

“Thanks, Nadine.” Rafi spoke.

“I was going to go over your list of at home exercises and what not to do, but I think you’ll be in good hands with Rafi.” Nadine explained as she laid a bunch of papers by Adam’s things.

“Thanks.” Adam said as he smiled at her.

“I’ll just leave the two of you alone. Rafi, I really think you should consider taking some more of that vacation time of yours.” Nadine suggested with a wink.

“I think you are absolutely right.” Rafi agreed as he looked at Adam again.

Nadine just chuckled and left the room.

“So what do you say? Are you ready to get out of here already?” Rafi inquired as he reached for Adam’s bags.

“Absolutely.” Adam responded as he clasped Rafi’s hand.

Adam and Rafi walked hand in hand out of the building. Leila was sitting out front when they exited. She smiled at them both.

“I think you’re in good hands, Adam, so I guess I’ll just head home.” Leila told him.

“Thanks, Mom.” Adam replied as he let go of Rafi’s hand and hugged his mother tight.

“Call me if you need anything.” Leila declared before kissing Adam’s cheek.

“I will.” Adam assured her.

“And you take good care of him.” Leila warned Rafi as she hugged him as well.

“I will.” Rafi promised as he embraced her back.

They stood there for a few minutes after Leila had gone.

“So where to?” Rafi finally asked Adam as he led him towards his car.

“Home.” Adam replied.

Rafi smiled at him. He helped Adam into his car and loaded his bags in the trunk. He got in the driver’s seat and drove to his apartment. He had known without even asking that this is where Adam meant when he said home.

When they entered his apartment, a feeling of completeness came over both of them. They suddenly knew what they had always been missing. Even though he had never been there before, Adam felt instantly that he was home.

Adam felt so good that he pushed Rafi against the wall and kissed him breathless.
sad adam

Memories of a Beautiful Disaster Chapter 11

Title: Memories of a Beautiful Disaster Chapter 11
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Rafael Vega (OMC)
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own Adam or any other real life person. This story is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Rafi has a heart to heart with his mother.
Author’s Notes: I hope you like it. Thanks for reading. Feedback is always welcome.

“What’s on your mind, Rafael?” Valencia, his mother, inquired as he sat at her kitchen table.

Rafi had been there for several minutes. He had yet to say much of anything. He was staring into space and playing with his necklace.

“That’s a gorgeous necklace. Where did you get it? I haven’t seen it before.” Valencia stated after several more minutes of Rafi saying nothing.

“It was a gift.” Rafi answered quietly.

“From who? It must have been someone very important to you. Are you seeing someone?” Valencia interrogated her son.

“It was from Adam…a patient at the rehab center.” Rafi explained.

“A patient? Really, Rafi? A mother knows things and you are not acting the way you are because of just some patient. Tell me what’s going on.” Valencia commanded softly as she patted Rafi’s arm.

“I messed up, Mama.” Rafi replied quietly.

“What do you mean?” Valencia asked.

“I got too close. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was too late. I was just supposed to help him get better…physically. But we just had so much in common. He is gay and he was attacked for being who he was too. I thought I was helping him, but then I crossed the line…professionally and ethically. I kissed him.” Rafi told his mother.

“Sweetie, I know what pride you take in your job. I know the man that you are. I am sure that you didn’t do anything to hurt this man or to take advantage of him. If he gave you that beautiful necklace, I suspect that he feelings for you.” Valencia spoke soothingly.

“But I broke the rules.” Rafi stated near tears.

“Some rules are made to be broken. Do you care for Adam?” Valencia asked.

“Yes, Mama…very much.” Rafi answered truthfully.

“That’s all that matters then.” Valencia declared.

“He probably hates me now. I just took off. I didn’t even tell him I was leaving.” Rafi moaned.

“I really don’t think that he hates you, but there’s only one way to find out.” Valencia asserted.

Rafi looked his mother in eye and smiled brightly at her. He knew that she was right. There was only one way to find out where he stood with Adam. He gave his mother a quick kiss, gathered his things, and headed out the door.
sad adam

Memories of a Beautiful Disaster Chapter 10

Title: Memories of a Beautiful Disaster Chapter 10
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Rafael Vega (OMC)
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own Adam or any real life people in this story. This story is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Adam confesses to Nadine.
Author’s Notes: I hope you like it. Thanks for reading. Feedback is always welcome.

“Good morning, Adam.” Nadine spoke cheerfully as he entered the rehab room.

“Good morning, Nadine. Where’s Rafi?” Adam inquired as he looked around the room. He had been hoping to talk to him about what happened the day before.

“Oh…didn’t he tell you? I really thought he would have.” Nadine replied flustered.

“Tell me what?” Adam asked worriedly.

“He took some time off. He wanted to spend some time with his family for the holidays.” Nadine explained with just a little white lie.

“Oh.” Adam responded sadly.

“Did something happen with you and Rafi?” Nadine questioned. “Because truthfully he wasn’t acting like himself yesterday.”

“Nothing happened.” Adam answered bitterly. He had thought the kiss meant something to Rafi, but obviously he was wrong.

“Adam, are you sure because now you are acting a little strange?” Nadine asked as she reached out to touch Adam’s hand.

“We kissed.” Adam whispered as a few tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

“Oh, I see.” Nadine spoke softly.

“I just really thought that we had a connection. You know beyond him being my therapist. I gave him a necklace yesterday that I designed and a friend of mine made. I thought he really liked it. We kissed and it was amazing, but my mother came in before we could talk about it. I thought I’d be able to talk to him today, but he’s gone.” Adam rambled morosely as he sat down in the chair.

Nadine wasn’t sure what to say to Adam. She couldn’t believe that Rafi had acted the way he had.

“Why does he hate me?” Adam questioned softly as even more tears fell.

“Adam, I don’t think Rafi hates you. I am pretty sure that it’s quite the opposite. He probably likes you more than he thinks he should. I am sure that he feels like he’s crossed some professional and ethical boundaries by kissing you.” Nadine assured him.

“But I wanted to kiss him. He didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t take advantage of me or anything.” Adam told her firmly. He wanted her to understand. He didn’t want Rafi to lose his job because of him.

“I know.” Nadine replied as she wrapped Adam in a hug.

“What am I going to do? I have to talk to him.” Adam declared as he hugged her back.

“I think you should give him some space. He needs time to think about it…to come to terms with his feelings on his own. What you should do is concentrate on your therapy. You get out of here in a few days. I would hate to see you have a set back because of this. Rafi wouldn’t want that either.” Nadine told him.

“Okay…You’re right.” Adam stated as he sat up a little and wiped his eyes. “Let’s get to work.”

Nadine smiled at him. She led him through his therapy session. He worked hard the whole time. He was determined to get better. He was determined to show Rafi that he could do it.